Vindicated

I am Selfish

So I meet a guy, and I’m sooo into him and surprisingly his into me too. We talking for a while and the “serious” conversation comes up and we talk about what we want.

The minute that conversation starts I get terrified. I realize that I’m so full of fear its disgusting. I’m scared of commitment and at the same time I’m scared he won’t commit. What the hell do I expect? Seriously? I manage to self-destruct, beautifully if I might add. I do that often.

A day later I meet friends for coffee and one mentions a fight she had with her boyfriend. She admits she’s terrified of losing him and giving more love than she receives, since every other relationship ended that way. He told her, because that is her fear, it will become her fate. He tells her to let go of that, stop thinking, stop fearing. When you let go, you realize that you CAN be happy. You are allowed to. We all are...

Freedom = Mermaid Syndrome

Freedom

What does it mean to be free? For some it means having enough money to do whatever you want, for others its having no parents or guardians to tell you what to do, for most it’s possibilities. I haven’t figured out what it means for me yet, all I know is that I want it! Desperately. From my experience it seems as if everyone does.

What is it that we all want to be free of?

“Then let us be rid of it” – The Lord of the Rings, the Return of the King. They journey to a dangerous land, bound by a great evil. This evil is a tool for great power. Power and the desire for it doesn’t seem evil, and yet every story ever told revolves around the fact that there is one power hungry individual that tramps on everyone and everything to get it. Is it the power that’s evil? The object that gives us the power? The ring itself isn’t evil, the objects that give us power isn’t evil. What is, is the desire to do whatever it takes to get it… It’s us, the evil within us. The objects magnify our greed. They give us an unnatural drive to own, that desperation to do whatever it takes to get it.

In the movie, The Forbidden Kingdom, there is a fight over the elixir of immortality. It is said that one sip of this brew brings an end to mortal pain and desire. The elixir is freedom.

The common denominator in all stories is the lesson of greed, fear, desire and power. We are taught in so many different ways not to give in to these and yet we all do.

Greed…it all comes down to greed. Why would you feel the need for freedom if you didn’t feel greed? Realistically we are all greedy, whether we’re greedy in a relationship, or when it comes to shoes, or clothes, or money, material things…in our minds we need these things to be “free”. We think like this not only because we want to own, but because we want people to envy us. We all want to be accepted and we think we will if people envy what we have. We convince ourselves that if we have material things, we’ll be truly happy, and being happy means you are free, loved, accepted.

He (or she) who is free of greed is free of fear and truly understands what it means to be free.

Judge or be Judged.

What is it about us that make us love judging people? Why do we all feel the need to fit in? To be a part of a group that is accepted? What makes us think that being different means you’re not accepted by society? Hmmm because we are not. People hate people that are different. I don’t blame them, if I was small minded, ignorant, full of pride and judgmental, I would too. If I were terrified of living, laughing, trusting, I’d be the same. What’s worse is the people that are scared of being judged, why do you care? Why should you? I do, I shouldn’t but I do. The funny thing is, we always value the emptiest people’s opinion.  

Society…where do they fit in? Well, for starters they are to blame. They make you think that you need to be a good Muslim girl to get a husband. That’s it. All you are and all you ever will be is a wife. All they care about is the time you spend grooming yourself for a man to tell you what to do, how to do it and how he likes his roti.

I’m tired just thinking about it.