Instant gratification vs delayed gratification

The older generations had a good balance between instant and delayed gratification. Telephones never existed. They wrote letters. It took weeks; months even to get a reply to “wt u up 2”. They waited eons to share their feelings. The concept of beneficial friends was foreign or was a simple one night stand that left the woman in tears. One night stands were rare. People had patience when it came to love and were hasty when it came to hard work. Instant gratification = satisfaction of a hard days’ work. Delayed gratification = relationships.

Today we have it royally fucked up, myself included. We lose our minds if we don’t get a reply in 5mins, imagine waiting 5 days??? Someone said we are addicted to technology and social networks. I disagree, we addicted to the high technology and social networks bring us. If you have an iPhone with no WiFi, a blackberry with no BIS, Facebook with no friends, Twitter with no followers, will you still be addicted?

We are in a hurry to get that rush of adrenalin or hormones constantly! We do anything and everything to get it. You judge drug addicts? Why? We are just like them. Checking facebook constantly to see if there’s something that special someone put up for you that will prove he or she loves you; waiting for constant validation and attention from people that really want the same thing. We do it by adding a new photo or updating a status. No one genuinely wants to share their lives with you; they want you to envy them so they can feel satisfied, accomplished and whole.  What do you think that is? It’s an addiction to instant gratification.

I believe it’s one of the reasons we’ve become so stupid. Technology made life too easy and too quick. Messages like “wud” have replaced long hand written conversations where spelling and grammar don’t need to be shortened. The shortening of the words happened because people were in a hurry to get the reply, instant gratification at its finest. He doesn’t have the time to type “the” so he’ll use “d” instead. If he’s in such a hurry to get words out of you what makes you think he’ll stick around when his had his fill?

Another example of instant gratification is friends with benefits. Since when is it ok to get involved with someone to get your physical needs met quickly without question? We were designed to love. Sex was given to us to express that love and today we use it as a coping mechanism, a drug, way to trap guys or a way to get what we want. It’s no longer a sacred union between two people. It makes all the nagging, commitment and relationship issues worth it. If his not into you he just isn’t. If he is into you he will talk to you first every single time. He will make the effort to help you understand his feelings. Rushing to reply, talking to him all the time, checking facebook every 5 mins, becoming his bitch because it’s the only way he’ll touch you, will not change anything.

 

We rush through things we should cherish and delay things we should do now. ‘I’ll finish the assignment tomorrow”, “I’ll travel when I’m 30”, “I’ll go into scarf when I’m married”, “I’ll study a day before the test”. “I’ll start my diet and workout on Monday”. Finish the fucking assignment NOW! Get on the fucking plane NOW! When you’re 30 you’ll be in hospital giving birth. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, you may never get married or your husband may hate scarfs. Study NOW! Work hard! What the fuck do you have to lose? If that boy likes you so much he’ll stick around till the holidays and probably for the rest of your life. Get off your ass, let every day be Monday. You’ll see results in a month, your family will see it in two and the rest of the world will see it in three.  We need to stop making excuses for ourselves and get things done NOW! We need to stop making excuses for him or her and realize we deserve better . . . we’ve swapped the delayed gratification of relationships for the delayed gratification of finishing work at the last minute and instant gratification of hard work for the instant gratification of a hormonal high.

Vindicated

I am Selfish

So I meet a guy, and I’m sooo into him and surprisingly his into me too. We talking for a while and the “serious” conversation comes up and we talk about what we want.

The minute that conversation starts I get terrified. I realize that I’m so full of fear its disgusting. I’m scared of commitment and at the same time I’m scared he won’t commit. What the hell do I expect? Seriously? I manage to self-destruct, beautifully if I might add. I do that often.

A day later I meet friends for coffee and one mentions a fight she had with her boyfriend. She admits she’s terrified of losing him and giving more love than she receives, since every other relationship ended that way. He told her, because that is her fear, it will become her fate. He tells her to let go of that, stop thinking, stop fearing. When you let go, you realize that you CAN be happy. You are allowed to. We all are...

Freedom = Mermaid Syndrome

Freedom

What does it mean to be free? For some it means having enough money to do whatever you want, for others its having no parents or guardians to tell you what to do, for most it’s possibilities. I haven’t figured out what it means for me yet, all I know is that I want it! Desperately. From my experience it seems as if everyone does.

What is it that we all want to be free of?

“Then let us be rid of it” – The Lord of the Rings, the Return of the King. They journey to a dangerous land, bound by a great evil. This evil is a tool for great power. Power and the desire for it doesn’t seem evil, and yet every story ever told revolves around the fact that there is one power hungry individual that tramps on everyone and everything to get it. Is it the power that’s evil? The object that gives us the power? The ring itself isn’t evil, the objects that give us power isn’t evil. What is, is the desire to do whatever it takes to get it… It’s us, the evil within us. The objects magnify our greed. They give us an unnatural drive to own, that desperation to do whatever it takes to get it.

In the movie, The Forbidden Kingdom, there is a fight over the elixir of immortality. It is said that one sip of this brew brings an end to mortal pain and desire. The elixir is freedom.

The common denominator in all stories is the lesson of greed, fear, desire and power. We are taught in so many different ways not to give in to these and yet we all do.

Greed…it all comes down to greed. Why would you feel the need for freedom if you didn’t feel greed? Realistically we are all greedy, whether we’re greedy in a relationship, or when it comes to shoes, or clothes, or money, material things…in our minds we need these things to be “free”. We think like this not only because we want to own, but because we want people to envy us. We all want to be accepted and we think we will if people envy what we have. We convince ourselves that if we have material things, we’ll be truly happy, and being happy means you are free, loved, accepted.

He (or she) who is free of greed is free of fear and truly understands what it means to be free.

Judge or be Judged.

What is it about us that make us love judging people? Why do we all feel the need to fit in? To be a part of a group that is accepted? What makes us think that being different means you’re not accepted by society? Hmmm because we are not. People hate people that are different. I don’t blame them, if I was small minded, ignorant, full of pride and judgmental, I would too. If I were terrified of living, laughing, trusting, I’d be the same. What’s worse is the people that are scared of being judged, why do you care? Why should you? I do, I shouldn’t but I do. The funny thing is, we always value the emptiest people’s opinion.  

Society…where do they fit in? Well, for starters they are to blame. They make you think that you need to be a good Muslim girl to get a husband. That’s it. All you are and all you ever will be is a wife. All they care about is the time you spend grooming yourself for a man to tell you what to do, how to do it and how he likes his roti.

I’m tired just thinking about it.